Be Me.

Its taken me a long time to be happy with me.

Growing up I had a lot of self esteem issues. I "matured" at a young age, resulting in an awkard body type, and went through a great battle with acne in my early teens. I have never been the skinniest, the prettest, or the most well-dressed. I was a band geek. I was usually the outsider to my group of friends.

In high school I finally found an amazing group of friends. the best of friends. who accepted me for me. who allowed me to be silly and who obsessed over the same silly things I do. we would drive around and just listen to music. we would go to football games with the band and talk the entire roadtrip about makeup. dance to songs. make up our own songs. play tricks on each other. talk for hours about boys. Things that may seem silly, but as a teenager it made me feel like someone finally understood me. I had a family with my friends.

But I never dated anyone in high school. I went to prom with a blind date. I still struggled with self esteem issues. I felt like no boy would ever like me.

Then came along this wonderfull boy. right after I graduated high school. Who seemed interested in me. who laughed at my stupid jokes and listened for hours as I went on and on about my silly obssessions. and best of all, we met on a church retreat. I could talk to this boy about god. about my up and downs and fears and happiness. 

 Then came August and he and my friends ran off to college. and I stayed home. and I had no one.

But I slowly learned that I had God. and my family. and Me.

I became my own best friend.

I've learned to love me.

I explored my faith.

I worked out. I ate healthy.

I had lots of time to myself. to figure out the kind of person I wanted to be.

and now, 4 years later, I still have my best friends. and we are closer than ever. I still have my boy, who has grown into an incredible man. and I still have God, who I call upon everyday to help me.

and I still have me.

Except now I see the real me.

not the me, who looks to others to follow, but the confident me.

It may have taken a long time to find her but I did.

The me who knows exactly what she wants in life.

Its ok if Im different. If I look different, dress different, believe different.

Ill never be the prettiest or skinniest or best dressed.

Thats not what life is about.

Its about being surrouded by your loved ones, expressing your self, finding things you care about.

The person I want to be is a good role model for my younger siblings and cousins. I want to be the exception.

I drink very little alcohol. and Im saving myself for marriage. It may not be normal, but I dont care.

Im done comparing myself to others.

I want to be the old lady who wears fur and lip shaped glasses. I want to always be free to be me.