This Year.

This year has been hard. and its not even over.
Nursing school has been challenging in so many ways.
and I've learned so much about myself.

Nursing school is no joke. They expect you to be on your game all the time. We go through 300 pages a week. Have multiple tests a week and 12 hour days. When Im not at school Im at home studying.
I dont see my friends. I dont dress up. Im lucky if I wear make up or do my hair. Im stressed all the time. I dont have time to work out. I've gained weight.
Im only working one night at the hospital. So money is always tight. I barely see my family. Its tough. I feel like I've given up so much of myself for school. Being a nurse has always been my dream. I love being at school. I love learning. I love being in the hospital. There is no doubt about it.

But I've lost part of me. Im scared I wont be able to find it again. How I look is not who I am. Fashion and clothes arent who I am. But it is A PART of who I am. and sometimes I get really sad that I dont get to be that person right now.

Over the last few years I've struggled to find who I am. To be okay with who I am. And last year I finally found who I am. I worked out. I ate healthy. I dressed how I liked. I realized its okay to be me.
Now all i am is a girl with a stack of books. Stressed on time. Short on money.
I look back at the girl I was a year ago and I miss her.
I realize that in a year I will be graduated. I will  be done. On my way to my dream job. But the road between now and then seems long and lonely.
I just want to be me again.